


if you were church, i'd get on my knees

by Anonymous



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Desperation, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, M/M, Omorashi, POV Second Person, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Watersports, alternate title: i mischaracterize joseph and turn him into a needy bottom for my own personal gain, listen buddy this is a piss fic, mary is mentioned once (1), piss drinking, whatd you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 14:37:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19703395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In which Joseph invites you over to his yacht for dinner and you find it hard to say no.





	if you were church, i'd get on my knees

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd and also my first fic in like 5 years, so please excuse my subpar writing and spelling mistakes. some people are motivated by piss. and by some people i mean me.
> 
> title is from fall out boy, but i'm sure you already knew that

Dinner at Joseph’s yacht went great! It was relatively calm and relaxing too, unlike your past few hangouts. The perfect tranquillity that, of course, only Joseph’s promised Margarita Zone could provide.

After dinner, the both of you just relax in Joseph’s tastefully decorated lounge room, drinks in hand, Jimmy Buffett playing on the radio beside you. Joseph’s sitting next to you on the plush two-seater; amiably leaning back on the sofa arm so that his body is turned towards you. Perhaps you’re more inebriated than you thought, because your mind wanders elsewhere, looking at Joseph’s lips and how he runs his tongue over them after sipping his margarita. Drunkenly allowing yourself to fantasize about the married man next to you- who’s also a man of God, at that; you continue conversing with him as if you’re not currently thinking of creative ways to bend him over every surface of his yacht. In the back of your mind, you can acknowledge that you probably shouldn’t be indulging in this, but you’re too buzzed to care.

All of a sudden, a different thought crosses your mind. Maybe you really did drink too much; you need to pee now. Real bad. You squirm and readjust yourself on the seat, hesitant to leave the sofa. Joseph’s still talking and you don’t want to seem rude.

“You know, I really admire your strength and dedication, raising Amanda all alone like that,” Joseph praises you; it’s definitely genuine, but you can’t help but feel like maybe Joseph’s had one too many as well, because of the flush on his face and the slight slur in his words. “It can’t have been easy…I know, I know, I’ve said this before, but,” he turns his head away, feigning interest in his wristwatch and swirling the leftover liquid in his glass. “If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m not _just_ the youth minister, I’m also your friend.”

His last words came out a bit hesitant, as if he wanted to say something else, but stopped himself short. Of course, he was your friend. Right. That’s all Joseph was. A friend.

Humming and trying to clear up your thoughts, you wonder if this is a good time to ask for the bathroom. Maybe not. Unsure of what else to say, you settle on telling Joseph that he’s a good friend.

Before you manage to get the words out, Joseph stretches and sits up from his spot against the armrest to lean against your shoulder. The angle’s awkward, because he didn’t bother to scooch nearer to you and now has to crane his neck uncomfortably to land on your shoulder. Feeling bad for him, you move to accommodate, shifting your body and getting closer. Joseph leans in even more, smiling sheepishly to himself as he raises his glass for another sip.

“Of course, you’re not obligated to tell me about your problems,” he mumbles into his glass, “I’m just...worried.”

The pink flush of his face is stronger now, and you can see his ears turning the same shade as he averts your gaze to stare into the contents of his cup. It’s empty now, the crystallized salt on the rim being the only thing left of the frozen concoction. Oh god, he’s so cute. How is a grown man this cute?

You reach over to pull the cup out of his hands, maybe what you both need is another drink. His head shifts up at the sudden action and you completely forget what you were about to say because he’s looking at you under his dainty blond lashes, his gaze so soft and vulnerable; you’re gone within milliseconds. Maybe later, you’ll regret this and blame it on the alcohol, but for now, morality be damned; you lean in to close the gap between his lips and yours.

Surprisingly enough, he reciprocates. Deepening the kiss, he runs his hands through your hair, pulling you closer. It’s intoxicating, even more so when Joseph decides to crawl up into your lap, bracketing both your legs between his thighs. He’s heavy, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. You kiss like two horny teenagers with no time to spare, like the both of you could get caught at any moment. The intensity of the moment spurs you on, even through the guilt, present and constantly reminding you that Joseph is, decidedly, _not_ single and in fact still has a wife who could be waiting for him at home right at this very moment.

Whatever thoughts you have about Mary, however, are immediately thrown out the window when Joseph starts grinding his hips against yours. The friction is delicious, but you’re suddenly reminded of the fact that you still need to go to the bathroom. The uncomfortableness of Joseph pushing his heavy torso against yours, unknowingly pressing against your full bladder, almost outweighs the heat of the moment. Almost.

“Joseph,” it comes out as a breathy whine, you don’t want him to stop but you really need to go. Joseph moves to mouth around your jugular and lets his fingers fumble with the top buttons of your shirt, humming against your pulse as a response. “ _Joseph_ ,” you repeat again, clearing your throat, “Where’s your bathroom?”

He stops his ministrations and leans back to look at you, fingers still gently tugging at your collar. There’s a knowing grin on his face, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

“C’mon,” he gets off your lap and stands up. The “I’ll lead you to it,” is unspoken and unneeded. He wraps his hands around the front of your shirt again once you get up, dragging you into another fervent kiss. As you put your hands on his waist, about to push him away because you really do need to pee, he slides a leg between yours and you groan. Bearing down on Joseph’s thigh for all you’re worth, you shove your face into the junction of his neck and grip his waist hard enough to leave bruises. He lets out a pleasant gasp at the sudden pressure, lips curling into that signature smirk of his, before pulling his leg away after one last nudge. You whine.

“Okay, okay,” he gives you another smooch, sweet and chaste, against the side of your mouth, “Let’s get you to that bathroom, sport.” 

Weird choice of nickname. You’re not in the right state of mind to question it.

He takes you by the hand, leads you off into the corridor and through first door you come to. It’s a bedroom, presumably his, and there’s clothes scattered around everywhere. It wasn’t all that messy, but honestly even if it was, you were never one to judge. There’s a door to the far left of the room, opposite the bed. Must be the en suite bathroom. You’re about to head for it when Joseph stops you again, wrapping his strong arms around you from behind, kissing down the back of your neck.

His calloused hands reach underneath your shirt, running up your torso as he grazes his soft lips against your ear. The rough pads of his fingers are slightly cold, making you shiver as he thumbs at your nipples. They warm up soon enough, though, as he continues to press and massage your chest. One of his hands wanders down, gently pressing your abdomen, in the exact spot where your belly distends just that little bit. You jump back, and Joseph can feel it. He smiles into your neck and lets out a huff of laughter.

“Desperate now, are we?”

Oh. _Oh_. Belatedly, you realize he’s getting off on this. _Wow._

Not that you mind. You’d rather do this in the bathroom, though.

You squirm out of Joseph’s grip and continue heading for the bathroom door, pulling his arm along with you. His face noticeably lights up when he realizes you’re fully on-board.

The moment you’re past the entrance, Joseph’s on you again, pushing you back against the door. Eager hands start roaming around your waist, slipping down to your front and groping you through your jeans. You keen and arch your hips away from the touch, the pressure built up in your bladder is maddening, but there’s only so much space between you and the door. With a devilish grin, he gets down on his knees.

The irony of it isn’t lost on you, if anything it turns you on even more.

After he’s got your fly open and your pants are past your ankles, he runs a thumb over the outline of your brief-clad cock while his other hand pins your hips to the door; a full-body shiver runs through you. You can’t stop yourself from canting your hips away, trying to get away from Joseph’s insistent fingers. Your hand flies up to cover the litany of moans ready to evolve from your laboured breathing, you’re starting to get hard, but the feeling of needing to go is still there, bordering on the edge of pain.

Joseph spreads your thighs even farther apart and leans in to press wet open-mouthed kisses onto the front of your briefs. The sensation is too much, even through the thin fabric. Your thighs threaten to close up, to do anything to stop the flow of piss from coming out, but Joseph’s got you in a death lock. With a loud uncontrollable groan, both of your hands immediately reach down to grab at Joseph’s hair, tugging at it, writhing and going out of your mind with the fervid need for release. You’re dangerously close to letting go and the toilet is just right there!

It’s clear that Joseph has other plans, but you don’t want to give up easy.

With a low chuckle, he looks up at you again before pulling your underwear down. Your dick springs up, embarrassingly hard. You wonder if it’s even possible for you to pee without making a mess everywhere at this point, until you realize through the fuzzy haze of your brain that that’s exactly what Joseph wants.

You can’t think straight anymore; Joseph moves in to lick a stripe up your dick, from base to tip and all you can do to hold yourself back is to tighten your fingers as you let out yet another breathy moan.

“Joseph,” you rasp out in desperation. Your grip doesn’t push or pull, just holds on for dear life as Joseph finally takes the head of your cock in his mouth. He suckles on it, flicking his tongue across the slit, before letting it slide in deeper and sucking on it in earnest. When he manages to get the entirety of your length past his lips, he hollows out his mouth and you swear you see stars; it feels like you’re going crazy. He starts to bob up and down slowly, being extra careful to not overwhelm you too much. You reckon it’s because he doesn’t want it to end too soon. You risk a glance down at him and almost come right there. He’s looking up at you, looking dazed, pupils dilated all to hell, pink lips wrapped so prettily around your dick. The wet warm heat of his mouth envelops you and you let out a soft curse as he hums in response to your gaze, vibrations travelling up your spine.

When he pulls back to start twirling his tongue on the underside of your cock, your thighs give in and close around his head. Your hands grip impossibly tighter and gives futile attempts at pushing him away. You’re so close, too close, you think to yourself and try to signal to Joseph that it’s just too much all too fast but all that manages to get out of your mouth is his name, repeating those two syllables over and over again like a prayer. Your knees buckle as you press your body closer to the door, toes curling; you can hear your blood rushing in your ears.

Joseph seems to understand, but doesn’t try to push your thighs away this time. He pulls his mouth off your dick, using both his arms to stabilize you and get you standing upright again. He leaves his mouth open, the tip of your dick resting on his tongue, a small smile on his lips. You’re at your limit, surely Joseph knows that; you worry if this is really what he wants. Even your alcohol and pleasure-fuddled brain doesn’t know how to feel about this.

As if in response to your thoughts, one of Joseph’s hands slides from their grip around your waist and places itself right above the smattering of hairs above your crotch. Your eyes go wide with realization, just as he presses down with his fingers. Hard.

A spurt of piss hits Joseph’s face, narrowly missing his right eye as it drips down his temple. You’re trying valiantly to keep it in, but the pressure is all too much. You only last a few fractions of a second before your dick lets out another spurt; Joseph’s fingers are still massaging your belly, refusing to yield.

Your legs are shaking from all the effort of trying to hold it in, eyes clenched shut from the overwhelming thoughts running through your head. You can’t help it anymore as a stream escapes your dick again, this time actually landing partially inside Joseph’s mouth. He doesn’t swallow, lets it collect and spill out past his lips, dribbling it down his chin, making a mess of the floor and his pants. Letting out a languid moan, he swipes his tongue over his lips before latching his mouth fully onto the tip of your dick. He gives a small, feeble suck, signalling his want for more.

Just like that, the dam breaks. Whatever meagre control you had before is lost as you finally thrust your hips forward, forcing Joseph to take more of you into his mouth as you let go; a steady stream of piss coming out of your own volition. Once you’ve started, it’s hard to stop. The feeling of finally relieving yourself is borderline orgasmic, and your fingers in Joseph’s blond hair finally slackens. Panting, you look down at Joseph, whose face looks blissfully fucked out as he lets you shallowly fuck into his mouth. There’s too much piss for him to hold in; the action of thrusting in of itself causes a lot of it to end up spilling down his chin and back onto your cock. Your piss gets everywhere, but neither of you seem to mind.

Relieving yourself seems to take forever, but once it finally tapers off, you pull his head back off your dick, cold breeze hitting your damp crotch, and slide down to the floor with him, not caring that you’re getting yourself wet. Exhausted out of your mind, you look at Joseph, who still has a mouthful of your piss; it’s apparent that that was what he was waiting for, because as soon as your eyes lock, he makes a show of gulping it down, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. Your eyes drift downwards and notice that he’s still hard, erection straining against his tight-fitting khaki pants. Inching closer and resting your head on his shoulder, you reach out to unzip his pants and pull his dick out. The head of it is dark and leaking from neglect and you almost feel bad for him. Joseph lets out shaky breaths and pants as you gently start stroking his length, nuzzling his face into your hair and wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“Lie down,” you tell him, using your free hand to push down his chest and he follows, pulling you along. You lie down beside him, propping your body up with an elbow, as you continue stroking. Soon enough, his breaths start getting faster and he whines at the friction you give him, fucking into your grip. Against your better judgement, you lean down and kiss him, tasting the saltiness of yourself on him. His lips are soft and pliant, and the kisses you share now are nothing like the rough ones you had before; you take your time, pulling Joseph apart, just as he did you.

When he comes, cock twitching and spilling thick white ropes over your knuckles, you almost get hard again. Your fatigue wins out, however, so you just absentmindedly wipe off the cum on Joseph’s already stained shirt and nuzzle into the crook of his neck, rubbing your hand over his well-toned torso as he calms down from his high.

Basking in the afterglow of it all, you suddenly realize you’re literally lying down in a pool of your own cooling piss and your eyes widen.

“Oh _shit_ ,” you mutter, sluggishly getting up from the floor and looking around you for a cloth or rag, anything to wipe up the mess.

Joseph laughs, and it’s somehow the softest thing you’ve heard in a while, given the circumstances.

Maybe cleaning up won’t be so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i planned this out way differently in my head, i swear
> 
> it's currently 4am as i post this, and i have to be awake in about an hour. 
> 
> god has left me and i believe it may be his wisest decision yet.


End file.
